How can a caregiver maintain energy and spirit while caring for the dying? It is one of the questions we discuss at screenings of my film, Caring for Dying: the art of being present. Here are some tips:1. Regularly check in with yourself. Take slow, deep breaths and look inside. How are you feeling? What do you need? Can you do anything that will help right now? This is an exercise we would all do well to practice even if we are not caregivers.
2. Take a mini-vacation. If friends and family are unable to help you with this, check out support organizations in your local community. Some may offer caregiver respite. Hospice volunteers can provide short-term breaks that allow the caregiver to simply rest. Once you have the respite in place, use it! Have a bath, take a nap, visit a spa, go for a long bike ride -- whatever helps.
3. Use modern technology. One woman advises texting daily updates to family rather than talking on the phone. After a day at the hospital, one is usually too tired to deal with phone calls. Texting fulfills the updating needs of family, instantly, with minimal effort. Cell phone are available with a keyboard, for the digitally-challenged.
When a close friend of mine was dying, I regularly emailed her support team and all the out-of-towners. It was not always easy to face my computer at 9 or 10 at night after a long visit at the hospital. Texting throughout the day might have been better, particularly since the verbal expectations are not as great as they are with email. On the other hand, I am happy to have all the details of a very special time, preserved in my messages.
Another person suggests setting up a facebook-type webpage where people can post photos, videos, family updates and stay in touch with the person who is sick, particularly when long distance precludes face-to-face visits. The website, Lotsa Helping Hands, provides an on-line calendar where friends and family can coordinate volunteered time and services with specific requests of the patient and caregiver, e.g. meal, coverage, transportation, laundry, house cleaning, etc.
4. For those less computer literate, designating a go-to-person is a simple low-tech solution. The go-to-person receives all the updates from the caregiver and then shares the information with any friend or family member who calls in.
5. See the links on the Resource page of my website for more information about caregiving.
These tips are just a start. Please share your own sanity-preserving techniques. What has worked for you? What didn't?
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