Mastering Life

In the film Julie and Julia, we are provide with an interesting contrast between the story of Julia Child’s start in the cooking profession and blogger Julie Powell’s one year challenge to cook every recipe in Child’s first cookbook. Child, married to a career diplomat and living in Paris, begins her adventure by seeking to engage her mind and time doing something she loves – eating good food. Julie seeks to prove her worth to herself and her friends, also by doing something she loves -- writing and cooking. It takes Child over seven years to write her famous book and many more to get it published. I found this reassuring given the ten plus years I have spent producing my film series. Julie becomes a stunning success after only a year. I felt dismissive.

Clearly, I have some judgments about Julie that bare examination. Julie was motivated by EGO, the desire to prove herself to her friends. She piggybacked on the work of another and she was an overnight success (ok, over-year success)! Child, in contrast, was motivated by her sheer love for food, was amazingly courageous in bucking gender stereotypes and praise-worthy for her many years of perseverance in writing and publishing her book. She was also played by actor, Meryl Streep, and thus irresistible. Reexamining my judgments I realized that neither woman is better than the other and both have something to teach us about life mastery.

1. Ego: How many of us are not first motivated by a desire to prove ourselves to others. The lesson from both women is to select something that we love to do. Julie shares her struggles with her ego -- her insecurity, her disappointments, her self-absorption and the near destruction of her marriage. We can identify and learn from her missteps and forgive ourselves as we can forgive her. Child, on the other hand, shows us how to stand up for our work, to resist compromising for the sake of acceptance (i.e. being published). Is this ego or not-ego? Was she so full of herself and her book that she couldn’t make the requested changes? Or was it love of her work and those who helped her that would not allow it? She won in the ends. Her book was published in its entirety. So we are grateful she resisted and can learn something about defending the integrity of our own creations.

2. Piggybacking: What artist does not learn from the work of other? It is where inspiration and ideas are birthed. Can any one look at their own creations and truly say they owe nothing to any one else? It is impossible. Of course there are limits. When is it piggybacking, when is it plagiarism, and when is it copyright infringement? It can be a confusing line that, rest assured, our copyright industry protects and expands with vigor. Julie was piggybacking on Child’s work. Child was piggybacking on her teachers. They piggybacked on those they learned from and so on and so forth back to that first caveman who discovered cooking over fire. Each one put something of themselves in the new creation that makes it truly unique. Of course sometimes they don’t, but we’ll let the courts decide.

3. Instant Success. Why degrade instant success? Struggling for years has nothing to recommend for itself. It is simply a belief one clings to in the long years of uncertainty and disappointment. “Got to put in the time!” It is a belief that can undermine us and hold us back right along with thoughts about being unworthy, not good enough and undeserving. Instead of dissing Julie for her relatively quick success, we should be celebrating her and trying to copy her. Of course there is also a lot of serendipity and luck, not to mention good connections involved in achieving what we traditionally think of as success, i.e., fame and fortune. Perhaps we should reconsider the meaning of success.

When it comes to the end of our lives, what will we remember as being most important? In a blog post at Inspiration and Chai we are told of five regrets that recur among the dying: failing to live a life true to one’s self rather than fulfilling the expectations of others, working too hard, not expressing one’s feelings, losing track of friend, and not being happy. Might a truly successful life be better gauged by how few of these regrets we have in our final hours? So, how are you doing?

Meaning of Life

Eddie, an 83 year old war veteran and a very sweet guy, discovers his life's purpose only after he dies, in the film, Five People You Meet in Heaven. Eddie, played wonderfully by John Voight, begins his tale at the end, shortly after he dies. We follow him into the afterlife where he meets five people, one by one, who help him review his life and discover things he did not know. In a series of flashbacks that jump back and forth in time, we piece together the story of a difficult childhood, a promising future, a traumatic war event and the consequent loss of a life dream. The story is neither predicable nor formulaic. It is a complicated examination of a human psyche, with many unexpected twists and turns. Except for the heavenly music which might be off putting for some, the film is definitely worth a look.

In contrast to the hero in Ikiru (the film discussed in my last post), Eddie believes most of his adult life that he has failed to live up to his potential. He discovers, however, that life is not always about what we think it is. Both films examine what it means to have lived well. Interestingly, they come to a similar conclusion -- it is by helping others that we find our deepest satisfaction. In Eddie's case, as the maintenance man of Ruby Amusement Park, it is about the special kindness he showed to the children who visit the park. It is the close attention he gave to the rides to make sure they were safe. And ultimately, it is about his final act of selflessness to save a child from a broken ride. The sacrificial rescue is completely in character. It is who Eddie is -- the big guy who helps the small and the weak. His story is also about forgiveness, but you'll have to see the film for the details.

Both films, Ikiru and Five People You Meet in Heaven, asks us to consider the meaning of our own lives, how well and fully we are living and whether, given a sudden and unexpected death, we would measure up. It is about living heartfully and courageously though not necessarily in a big or flamboyant way. This subject is very dear to my own heart. It is one of the reason for making and sharing my film series, Secrets of Life and Death. They are films about preparing for death, yes, but also about what death can teach us about how we live our lives, about life's impermanence and unpredictability and what is truly important.

Like Eddie, we do not always know the impact of our actions. His story reminds me of another story told by Rachel Naomi Ramen in her book, My Grandfather's Blessings. It's about a business man, George, who thought his life had been a waste. He had two ex-wives and five children whom he knew nothing about because he spent his life building a business and making money. Diagnosed with lung cancer, he now lamented his choice. Rachel, his counselor, knew that he was the inventor of a medical device that enabled people with a chronic disease to live an almost normal life. One of her patients, Stephanie, was a grateful user of this device. Rachel asked Stephanie if she would be willing to write an anonymous note to the man explaining what a difference his invention had made in her life. Stephanie went one better and asked Rachel to invite him to her house for dinner. George agreed, but when he arrived he was met, not by just Stephanie and her husband but by her whole family -- parents, aunts and uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, her husband's parents and many friend and neighbors, the whole community that had sustained Stephanie in the years she was an invalid. They had come to share their stories, the part they had played, basically the story of Stephanie's life from its many angles. At the end of the sharing, more than three hours, Stephanie told George, "This is really a story about you." Later, back at her office, Rachel asked George how many devices he manufactured every year. "Close to ten thousand," he answered softly. Then he said, "I knew the numbers, Rachel, I had no idea what they meant."

Share your story. Who has been a blessing to you? Whom have you blessed? What can you do for someone today?

TO LIVE!

Back in 1952, Akria Kurosawa made a film Ikiru, which means “to live.” It’s about a career bureaucrat, a minor cog in the huge Japanese government bureaucracy, who, along with everyone else there, spends his entire working life doing nothing and avoiding doing anything. When our protagonist, Kanji Wantanabe, discovers, indirectly, that he has a terminal stomach cancer he sets out on quest to find out what life is about. In the end he finds redemption in helping a neighborhood transform a toxic sewage spill into a playground for the poor children. The film is a good reminder about the purpose of life. "Not dead" does not mean "alive."

It is easy to get caught up in the routine of daily life, making a living, paying the bills, keeping ahead of the escalating demands of work and home. Americans work more hours on the job than any other industrialized nation, clocking up nearly two working weeks more than their counterparts in Japan, the second most worked people of the industrialized world. That does not give a lot of time for self-awareness or reflection. 

One of the purposes of my film series, Secrets of Life and Death, is to wake people up to their mortality before death comes knocking at the door. By acknowledging death, we may, like Kanji Wantanabe, be encouraged to have a more creative and fulfilling life. Death exposes the fragility and tenuousness of everyday life, of our whole material existence. This realization can be both ecstatic and shattering. Shattering if like Kanji we waste our precious time in mindless and meaningless repetition until it is almost too late. Ecstatic when we heed the whisper of our hearts and connect to those activities and things that nourish our souls. Death admonishes us to live more fully, to let go of minor irritations, to take chances, show up and pursue our most fervent desires, hopes and dreams.

Kanji shows us that helping others is a worthy pursuit. We do not even need to do something huge and dramatic. It could begin with a simple word of validation. Say something positive to the next person you meet and see how you feel.

Meditation: the art of focusing

Dancing at Sufi camp by George Brooks

I first became acquainted with the art of meditation while in graduate school at Indiana University. A free class was offered on Transcendental Meditation. The procedure seemed easy enough; you listened to a lecture, received your very own magical mantra (meditation word) and off you went. So I went, got my own special word and begin sitting, twice a day, twenty minutes, repeating my word over and over again. I did that day after day, week after week . . . for years. 

Mostly I did a lot of thinking in those twenty minutes.  It was good thinking! I came up with lectures for my classes, questions for tests, and new points to make in the Ph.D. thesis I was writing. By this time I had moved to Minnesota to teach at a Catholic college on the Mississippi River. I did nothing to curb this thinking. Teaching four Sociology classes a semester was a lot of work and I appreciated all the creativity these meditation breaks could give me. I just let the thoughts burble away each time until my twenty minutes were up. The practice of sitting twice a day was probably good for me, but I suspect I did more meditating while jogging in the subzero Minnesota winter.

Years later, I began studying with a Sufi Master from Iraq -- Adnan Sarhan -- at a remote mountain retreat in central New Mexico. It was then that I began to meditate in earnest. Meditation, I discovered, is not about emptying your mind, it is about being focused in the moment. It’s like a cat watching a mouse. Whatever happens -- sounds, colors, smells, feelings -- you are there, noticing. If you can do this for any length of time your consciousness shifts and you begin to change. 

 

At the Sufi retreat, Adnan uses a variety of techniques to draw the mind into the moment. Which is good because the mind is a child always wanting something new. He is an artist at drawing our attention. Chanting, slow movement, deep breathing, dancing, singing, whirling, even reading are all avenues of meditation.

Sometimes I was asked to read his writings to the group. The way they are written -- convoluted stories within stories within stories until you totally loose the thread and point of the tale -- is another strategy for shifting consciousness. It short-circuits the mind’s effort to make coherent sense. The mind finally gives up waiting for the climax or the resolution of the story and just follows the sound and the rhythm of the words. I put a lot of people into a trance with my reading.  Maybe they were just sleeping – but a delicious, relaxing sleep, massaged and cuddled by the sound and rhythm of the words.

Adnan has very eccentric grammar in his writing, probably due to his first language being Arabic. It can be a challenge to read and requires deep concentration. Whenever I started to show off, modulating the sound of my voice, thinking about my reading, I would stumble over his words. I had to let go of my thoughts and my desire to be "good" and just read. So reading was meditating too.

When I am meditating my mind feels all muffully, like my thoughts have been covered by a soft blanket or my brain is being massaged. Suddenly I am aware and focused. I see the visuals on the inside of my eyelids, hear the enveloping sounds, feel the breath in my chest, and smell the apple blossoms outside. It’s wonderful. Or I’ve learned to experience it as wonderful. It usually doesn’t lasts very long. Opps, there goes another thought. What I have noticed is that the focus of meditation improves my focus in other situations. It is easier to pay attention when someone's talking or to enjoy a walk or to make love, without intruding thoughts.

My best meditation form is dance. By focusing on the music, the movement of my body and the rhythm of my breath --- I forget to think. It is very creative from moment to moment and very physical. I get caught up partnering with the music, anticipating, enfolding, immersing in the sound. When thoughts do show up, they are often so creative and pleasurable, they are hard to let go.  I wonder whether these mental inspirations are gifts of the mediation or the tricks of a wily monkey mind trying to get back into control. Don’t wonder, my body whispers, just dance.

Currently I have been doing a yoga meditation called pranayama. This involves a lot of playing with the breath. Inhale for five counts, exhale five counts. Make them even. Now add a pause at the end of each inhale and exhale. Extend the pause to five counts. Now add the bandas, muscular closings that confine the energy of the breath to the chest. Now alternate nostrils holding your nose with your hand. Three curled fingers press against the forehead, drawing attention to this powerful focusing spot. TheYoga of Breath by Richard Rosen, is a step-by-step guide to this practice. It's not as easy for me as dancing mediation, but more accessible in a small house. It requires more discipline and takes me deeper.

Neal Donald Walsh offers several interesting techniques for meditating in his book, When Change Happen, Change Everything. For the beginner he suggests walking meditation. In this meditation you move about, then stop every few moments to focus on a specific things -- like a flower or a blade of grass. You regard it intently, considering every aspect of it -- the color, the smell, the texture, the size, the shape. The goal is to practice focusing the mind. The mind is a muscle. You exercise regularly and it gets stronger.

Group meditation is very powerful practice. The energy or vibration of all those other meditating minds seems to help the focus. I lead a bereavement group at the local hospice and begin each group with a short group meditation. I guide the meditation with directions for breath and attention. I stay very present with my own breath, the feelings in my body and the suggestions of what to say next that pop in my mind. It is so easy to meditate in this situation. After a several minutes, I tell the group to slowly return to their normal breathing. Invariably, my own meditation goes deeper, so deep it is hard to leave. I stay a few precious breaths longer.

What are your experiences with meditation? What do you do? Does it come easy? Closes your eyes and do it right now. . . What does it feel like?  

Meditation: listening to your heart

Lately I’ve been getting the message that I need do more meditating. Not just sit for twenty minutes and let my mind wander, but really focus on being in the moment. In his book, When Everything Changes, Change Everything, Neal Donald Walsch describes meditation well, “I have to work hard to turn my mind off and just be with the moment and the experience, without judging it, defining it, or trying to make something happen or figure it out or understand it from my logic center. It is rather like making love.”

I am told that if I make the space for more meditation, my life will be transformed. Why do I want my life transformed? Mostly, because I worry a lot -- about making enough money, about paying for my new home, about the increase in the price of food and gas, about aging and the cost of healthcare, about the country, social security and the fat cats who call all the shots at the top, about earthquakes, radiation, and global weather chaos, etc. I am tried of all the worrying, complaining, resisting and blaming. Aren't you?

Meditation stops the voice of worry -- in Arabic, naf or mischievous whisperer. Meditation connects me to SOUL, the spirit inside and then I remember the soul’s viewpoint. The soul, you see, has its own agenda about why I am here in this life and what is suppose to be happening. I trust that agenda when remember it. A friend posted on facebook – “We are SOUL in a body, [this] helps me remember that anything but happiness is my choice.”

To the skeptics who would mock my words, calling me delusional, out of touch, a Pollyanna (and this may be my own personal skeptic) I say, “Why worry?” Worrying accomplishes nothing except to make me feel bad and unhappy. Do what you need to do. Take positive action. But don't worry.

A photographer recently posted a photo blog about the homeless on State Street in Madison, Wisconsin. These people have all the problems you’d expect -- drug and alcohol abuse, bad health, mental illness, smelly bodies and no money -- and yet they show more integrity, compassion and love for each other than most of us do for our own families. They even have joy. I am not proposing homelessness as a solution to worrying, although a brief visit might be very mind opening. I mention this because it shows me once again that it is not your circumstances that cause happiness or misery; it is the way you perceive your circumstances.

Mediation teaches us to discipline our thoughts, to control the ego of self-importance and open to the intelligence of the heart. It is the soul-ution to all the problems. ”Wisdom,” says Eckhart Tolle, “is not a product of thought. The deep knowing that is wisdom arises through the simple act of giving someone or something your full attention. Attention is primordial intelligence, consciousness itself. It dissolves the barriers created by conceptual thought, and with this comes the recognition that nothing exits in and by itself. It joins the perceiver and the perceived in a unifying field of awareness. It is the healer of separation.” Meditation teaches us how to pay attention, how to listen, how to be without judgment.

Things are so out of whack in the world, so distorted, violent and hateful, the only place to go is inside, back to the source, to the place of unity. All else is sorrow.

Happiness in the Brain

This is a continuation of my notes from the Happiness Conference at Stanford. This is taken from the presentation by Rick Hansen.

It appears that we have three distinct brains operating in our head: the lizard brain, the mammalian brain and the primate brain. Each brain has its own agenda and influences our responses to the environment accordingly.

The lizard brain, located in the medula olongta or brain stem, is concerned with avoiding harm. It's a genetic holdover from our evolutionary past and very useful in the wilderness or the big city.  From the lizard perspective, the world is a dangerous place full of predators that can gobble it up. The lizard brain is always on the alert for signs of danger.  It's response to danger is to flee and hide. The news media seems to be stimulating this part of our brain with information about the bad economy, the dangerous government, the destruction of the planet. If you react to disturbing news through escapist pursuits like television, computer games, drugs and alcohol, your lizard brain is in charge.

The mammalian brain is interested in rewards and pleasure. Although I don't know where this brain is located because I was busy writing notes when Rick showed it to us on the big TV screen, I am very familiar with it. The primate brain seeks those things that give pleasure and satisfy physical desires e.g. thirst, hunger, sex and warmth. A lot of our advertising targets the mammalian brain with pleasure visuals, especially those relating to sex. I think our food seeking drive may be more motivated by smell than vision. So when they start making "smellevision," watch out!  My spiritual teacher once told me the food vendor's trick of frying onions.  You don't have to sell the onions, just fry them and the people will come and buy whatever food you are selling. So if your response to stress is to eat, you know your mammalian self is on the ball.

The primate brain focuses on social bonding. It feels good to be in association with others. Caring and caregiving is programed into the primate's DNA. We need each other, at least our families and probably our tribe in order to survive in a primate world. Connection to our state or nation is more problematic and not part of the DNA. See Francis Fukuyama's new book The Origins of Political Order for a seminal work on the subject of nation bonding. Nonprofit organizations are stimulating your primate brain when they send you glossy pamphlets with pictures of happy third world people holding baby lambs and smiling.

If you pay attention to how you feel and what you feel like doing, you will know which part of your brain is operating at any tine. When the lizard brain is happy, it is calm and when unhappy, it will avoid. When the mammalian brain is happy, it's physical desires are satisfied.  When it is alarmed or stressed, e.g. hungry -- it will approach.  When the primate brain is happy, it is caring and social.  When alarmed it attacks. This scheme can be summerized:

Brain - happy - unhappy

Lizard - calm - avoid

Mammal - content - approach

Primate - care - attack

So what do you do when you're stressed? Hide? Eat? or Attack? Who is in charge? And then ask yourself who is supplying you with your choices.

Secrets of Happiness

Recently I went to a conference at Stanford on happiness. It was very thought provoking and I would like to share some of my notes.

Rick Hansen's presentation was particularly interesting to me as it explained some of the biological underpinnings of our experiences of happiness or unhappiness.

• Flows of thought leave material traces in the brain. What you think about will impact your brain!
• Blood flow increases to the area of the brain being stimulated. This can be observed and measured. They have plotted out the effects of various activities on the brain.
• What we think can change the way genes are expressed in specific cells. In other words, the effects of thought are not transitory or momentary. They change the brain over time.
• Neurons that fire together, wire together (this is just like what they showed in the film What the Bleep. This is why it's hard to change habits. It takes about 40 repetitions to set a new pattern
• Imaginary activity also can leave traces in your brain. If you think about what you want to do, it will leave a trace in your brain just like you did it. I suppose that's why pornography is so successful.
• Attention is like a spotlight. What you "attend to" stimulates specific parts of the brain and that area is strengthened and becomes more developed. The brain is like a muscle. The more you exercise a particular thought, the easier it is to have that thought. Makes sense when you think about practicing a musical instrument. It's not just the hand or mouth that develops, the brain develops too.

 Morale of this story? Pay attention to what you're thinking and doing. It's effecting your brain!